Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in wildelikeoscar's LiveJournal:

Thursday, August 19th, 2004
1:53 pm	ERGH!!! Has anyone else noticed that Barnard loses everything?!? I'm getting really frustrated. When I applied they lost my first quarter grades. Then after being accepted first they lost my deferral contract then they lost my tuition payment, now they say they never recieved my AP scores. And based on my roommate it doesn't seem like they read that form AT ALL. What is wrong with them? Is anyone else having any of these problems? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
9:58 am	thought this was funny.. You Know You're From Nevada When... You prefer In and Out to McDonalds and Del Taco to Taco Bell You can count cards You know that prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas You've wondered if your cab ride will end up on Taxi Cab Confessions More of your friends were born in California than Nevada Your car's overheated - before you started driving You know what all the combinations mean on a slot machine You don't answer the phone during UNLV basketball You see more billboards than trees on the road You've seen a red leather male chastity belt in full color on the front page of the living section You have legal brothels within a half hour's drive of your state legislature You have a smoking section in your supermarket You have ever thought New Jersey sounded like a nice, wholesome place to visit You know that Pahrump is not actually the punchline of a bad joke. At least, not always You know which one is Roy and which one is Siegfried Your car payment is higher than your rent You have friends at UNLV who are strippers, and think its a perfectly normal respectable college job. You know at least 4 people with a boob job You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Nevada. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 5th, 2004
2:11 pm	Reflections So to comment on what I wrote in my last entry - after reading some of Jackie's entries I decided to focus instead of on my "bad choice" on the things i want to accomplish next year. 1) Writing for the Spectator, possibly even becoming associate opinions editor(i saw on Spectator archives that a first year has done it) 2) Getting a strong first semester GPA, I'm def taking easy enough classes for it, and maybe even going the extra step to try to get nominated as a Centennial Scholar, a debate class on classical texts is the perfect forum to shine 3) Get involved with CASA(court appointed special advocates for children) or some other non-profit that combines legal advocacy and children. 4) Get a bartending job, which involves going to bartending school and working out to have the right look that will get me a bartending job. So far those are my main focuses, I may rush I may not, I may and not get chosen, I'd love to be a Theta(they're philanthropy is even CASA how perfect) but we'll see. I also am reflecting on how happy i've been in the last year and how when i got the letter saying I had to take a year off i equated it with a prison sentence. Looking back on my life the times i've dreaded the most have been some of the happiest in reality and as I was skimming the ACLU website I realized that some of the girl I used to be still exists. And looking at Brian I realized how much I've grown in the past year as a compassionate human being. I don't regret my year off and I suspect at the end of 4 years I won't regret my Barnard choice. I'm confused, but I'm young so I think I'm supposed to be. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 2nd, 2004
2:48 pm	Ok so this is one of those rants which everyone is welcome to comment on but I'm not asking for you to make me feel better, because well, I know you cant. I picked the wrong college. It was the right college for the keeli that would have graduated from Porter's in '03 and started a cheery counter culture, political activist, liberal feminist college career but its not the right college for the the keeli who i've become. I'm not a feminist AT ALL and I think the whole concept of seperate education is kind of silly. I dont really care about politics anymore, I care a lot more about what size my jeans are, how shiny my hair is, and where the next party is ...I feel bad saying it but i'm just being honest. The whole intellectual thing just seems like a naive notion, life is about making money and succeeding that way or why even bother? Who really cares if you can give a dissertation on the feminist implications of Irigary's symbolic logic theory ? I mean really? its just mental masturbation after all. I don't want to go to NYC and be treated like a second-class citizen because I used the backdoor into Columbia(because at the time it wasnt my intention at all)...but after attending 6 high schools in 5 years tranferring isnt all that appealing either. and yes part of it is the inferiority thing, I never got over it with Porter's. Porter's wasn't Andover and maybe my parents were right about it being a better "fit" but it eats me that I'll never be included in that Andover, Exeter, Groton, St. Paul's, Deerfield, Hotchkiss prestige circle. And I have a feeling I'll be haunted by the exact same thing at Barnard. I mean sure its associated with Columbia but Columbia's the working man's Ivy what an ugly title. Not that I'm a snob about it, it just seems if i'm 3000 miles from home, actually taking classes that require thought and work, i should get something better out of it otherwise why not just go to UNLV or USC? Our summer reading was some diversity bullshit about a korean american experience and it just reinforced the fact that this ISNT a place I want to go, so now what? I'm soo lost. i don't really think anyone can help, but any advice is welcome.. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 13th, 2004
6:32 pm	La dee da Hmmm so I would like some feedback on a certain odd neurosis i have, I have the most intense blonde envy. Now this is something I live with on a daily basis as two of my best friends are natural platinum blondes and three other close friends in vegas are bottle blondes. Now its not normally a big deal, but i made a sort of half joking comment to brian last night that he could hang out with any of his ex-gf's as long as they weren't blond....well it turns out all of his exes are blonde. I suddenly feel very insecure, why? This is a man who is moving across the country for me, tells me on a daily basis how much he loves me, tells me he's sure im the one, talks about marriage and children...yet now im insecure because all of his exes are blonde? what's wrong with me? Now in Vegas I've dated a few boys who have had strict "blonde only" policies on the girls they've dated who have had me as a singular exception to the rule because they found some sort of intellectual connection with me, but they always go back to the blond....but im pretty sure brian isnt like that....so what's my deal? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 15th, 2004
6:44 pm	So i'm filling out my first year housing forms and I came upon a little interesting tidbit. "All First Year Housing is smoke, alchohol and substance free" which means this spring even though I will be 21 and LEGALLY able to drink I will still not be able to drink. How ridiculous is that? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 14th, 2004
5:01 pm	The Dilemma So the fling with boss-man Brian has turned into a full blown relationship. This of course scares the bejesus out of me because having had my heart broken and rebroken so many times by the dear ex-fiance, I don't get too attached to anyone. But I feel like I'm at a crossroads that I know the proper solution to but I dont want to accept it. So basically I'm looking for some rationalization from someone out there to tell me I dont have to end it. Brian is sweet, kind, considerate and amazing in bed. I have a lot of fun with him and I trust him completly. The kind behaviors he exhibits would normally be a huge turn off but on him they don't seem effeminate. He sent me a dozen red roses at work Monday, he offered to give me a foot massage, he's never cheated on a gf ever, he loves children. All very good qualities. But to be honest, I have a very painted portrait of how I want my life to be in the future and a tattooed guy from a white trash family just isnt in it. Maybe I'm a snob, maybe i'm heartless but that's just not the kind of life i want. So you're thinking, its a fling! who cares? stop thinking too far into the future. But the problem is he dropped "i love you" the other night, granted we were in the "throws of passion"(thats how angelina would say it right?) so I'm hoping he wasnt too serious, i havent had the nerve to bring it up, should i? But he also decided not to teach at this skateboarding camp this summer because he wants to stay and hang out with me, and we had an entire conversation about how he's been in this situation before and is afraid he'll get burnt when i dump him for a "better deal" which in all honestly will probably happen. So what do I do? Can i just enjoy it knowing I may end up breaking this poor man's heart? Or should I end it? If i dont end it....there's this Meadows Alumni party at the end of this month that i let slip after one too many martinis. He really wants to go, and thinks going is important because it shows im not ashamed of him. I'm not, but this party's guest list is a who's who of vegas soceity and he will neither fit in nor have fun. Also, my mother specifically asked that I didnt invite him(she's outraged by the whole situation obvioiusly) and my very vindictive Ex will be there. SO what do I do? Oh so lost..... K (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
11:46 am	Wonderful Days... Ahhh Friday was a wonderful day. Now I love my AmeriCorps experience in outreach, but we all know I've been a little bitter ever since the legal advocacy clinic started and was given to the utterly incompetent, but in law school, chris. Well, We have a new boss now and there has been some reshuffling that chris didn't like. So I used my powers of persuasion to convince Chris that maybe U.S. Vets wasn't the right place for him. heh so he quit...and Voila! I am now the head of the legal advocacy clinic. Right out of high school I am the HEAD of a Legal Advocacy Clinic for Homeless Veterans...how amazing is that going to look for my resume? and not just that but how cool is this going to be? I'm going to learn so much amazing stuff, i'm soo excited In an unrelated note, and may i stress UNRELATED so no one gets the wrong idea. Out former boss Brian was officially off the payroll on friday so he was able to take us out for drinks finally without it being inappropriate. Well I've had a crush on Brian, oh since the beginning of my term, but I didnt only not think he liked me romantically I kinda thought he didnt like me as a person, well apparently i was wrong. Dear old Brian has "been intrigued" by me since my first interview and spent much of the later part of the term fantasizing about me but assumed he had no chance because he is most certainly not my type (he dropped out of college, is sleeved in tattoos, owns a skateboarding company, is bald, is a vegetarian, has worked in social services for 10 years) but sometimes for play things opposites attract heh. Anyway, I totally like him and he totally likes me, we hooked up friday night and it was great, he even invited me to go to cali with him this weekend but i couldnt cause of some dumb cocktail party but oooh im stoked... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 26th, 2004
12:40 am	So mum thinks i need botox.... Now I'm sure all of you know my slightly obsessive fear of aging...well today at dinner with mumsy she informed me I need to get botox...apparently i have wrinkles on my forehead because god forbid i raise my eyebrows in expression...I really dont want botox because i like lifting my eyebrows, when i mentioned this to my mother she suggested getting a brow lift and then botox....Why am i the only person on earth who doesnt think plastic surgery is normal? Does anyone else think this is as odd as i do? I already do microderm i'm not starting botox until im at least 25... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 25th, 2004
12:47 pm	A is for - Age: 20 B is for - Boyfriend/Girlfriend: JP C is for - Career in Future: Socialite hehe actually it changes daily..my top 3: 1. Investment Banker, 2. Lawyer, 3.Magazine Editor D is for - Dead person you would like to meet: F. Scott Fitzgerald, i bet he was just a bundle of sex.. E is for - Essential item: contacts F is for - Favorite song at the moment: hoobastank- the reason G is for - Guy/Girls you've kissed: way too many to count.. H is for - Hometown: Las Vegas, NV I is for - Instruments you play: flute, piano, violin, turntables(do those count as an instrument?) J is for - Job title: AmeriCorps volunteer K is for - Kicks Ass: My life L is for - Living places: My very own house...ahh independence... M is for - Most memorable moment of today: Waking up and realizing i told Heidi's bf's roomate off for calling people from the middle east "towel heads" and "sand N-gg-rs" he deserved it and i stand behind my decision. N is for - Number of people you've slept with: 10 (Rob, Seamus, Dan, Richard, Brian, John H, Kevin, David, John S, JP) hot damn that's a lot of people.. O is for - Overnight hospital stays: 2 once when i went into a coma the first time i had aspirin, and once when i broke my back in a car accident P is for - Phobias: leading an average life Q is for - Quote you like: "you rock my socks goldilocks", "in theory" R is for - Relationship that lasted the longest: three years S is for - Sexuality: bi...very very bi.... T is for - Time you wake up everyday: 5:30 am on the dot U is for - Unique trait(s): I have a very split personality..part brooding intellectual/part shallow sorority girl...hmm maybe thats a personality disorder not trait...someone else tell me what my unique trait is? V is for - Vegetable you love: cauliflower, brocooli, asparagus W is for - Worst habit: i can be really judgemental at times X is for - X-rays you've had: back, leg, arms, teeth, lungs, ankle Y is for - Yummy food you make: I make a mean fettucine Z is for - Zodiac sign: pisces (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
1:03 pm	Strange Events... Ok so I'm puff the magic keeli dragon. I took my meds this morning, the same meds i take every morning, but today about 3 min later i smarted emitting smoke from my mouth! that's right a cloud of thick white smoke for about a minute accompanied by this burning sulfur taste in my throat. The hospital had no clue why and just had me expell the substance from my body and kept me for observation. Their theory? A machine probably messed up the chemical composition of one of my pills leading to the reaction, so much for the safety of modern medicine. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
10:48 pm	Quick recap of the weekend Last weekend was quite the little adventure. Friday started off calm enough with our service project. I couldn't believe I actually enjoyed spending time with children. I think all this sex is giving me maternal instincts. We made get well cards for sick kids at the hospital with this great paper that starts off all black until you carve off the top layer with a metal object and its rainbow underneath. Not usually the type of activity yours truly would enjoy but it really was quite lovely. Then we had this boring National Youth Service Day benefit, lots of speakers and golf claps - you know the drill. Friday night was drinks with Molly at Luxor until JP called which created quite the stir. He asked me to leave and come meet him but when i called him as i was leaving he said "hey I'll call you right back" and never did. So 20 min later I call him and hes very confused as to why I'm not there yet. Stoners, ugh. So being la principessa un po umbriaca that I was, I proceeded to give him some very sharp words. Apparently he was sober enough to understand because by the time I arrived he had flowers(where one gets flowers in summerlin at 1 am is beyond me) and took me shopping saturday. Good boy, keep that leash tight. Saturday night was a night out of some strange bad movie. Both Heidi and Molly we're with me, so that's fire and ice already. We started the night at the worst party i've ever seen. I actually counted 4 mulletts...now i have nothing against ugly people(and wow were they in abundance at this party) but MULLETTS!? so we headed to the strip for a scene that was a little more our style and ended up being the life of the party at harrah's mainly because of a few wardrobe malfunctions on my part, oh dear.....but then Molly's "thug" boyfriend almost got arrested...an actual real fight.....I was mortified, Heidi got punched- ricardo and aaron in handcuffs! of course being the resourseful girl that I am I got right onto my cell phone and had my fav harrah's boy get us out of the mess but soo stressful. Who does that? like really? Will and Grace time...more on sunday and monday later... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:05 am	Bliss.... Ahh what a late night, perhaps my recent burnout at work is related to my lack of continuous sleep. heh I'm happy, I'm soo soo happy. I feel I'm finally reaching a point where I can accept and integrate parts of me that I once considered shameful. I LOVE TO DANCE! There. I said it. It's not about the drinks or the clubs its about pure movement. The music brings out this energy that's inexplicable. I like hip hop and i love to shake my hips and for once i don't care how un-preppy or un-refined it is, it makes me happy. I'm not going to go out and become a go-go dancer or anything(although I would love to) but i'm not going to pretend that I shun pop, rap, salsa, swing and all things sexual because I don't. I'm not going to only dance in the privacy of my own room and hide my passion for it like a dirty little secret. And I'm willing to accept that my needs aren't always going to fit into the neat contrived boxes I was raised to believe they would. Yes, I am engaging in a sexual relationship with someone I don't love or want to marry, but its ok. We're monogamous. We use protection. It fits my needs right now and i'm not going to be a slave to a morality I don't believe in. I love my life so much right now and that's a new feeling. Maybe old me wouldn't approve of new me but who cares? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 12th, 2004
2:35 pm	Spiraling Confusing... To catch some of you up on where I am in that twisted emotional alogical mind of mine that occupies the much masked inner core..I'll share something I wrote in my real journal last night. "HOPE. happiness, possibility, examination, love, trust BEYOND the physical. I peeked into hannah's window last night and it reminded me of all i used to value, and i wondered if it was only a naive wish that things could be more then this. I'm confused and burdened by the things i'm afraid to feel. I don't want to be that regretful heartbroken weakling but the hollowness inside is making it harder to hold up the paper mache i use to fake strength. I dressed up as a ghost of myself last night, in that same green dress with the same four foot flower that i had worn the first night he said he loved me. But it was all wrong. March 17th will be three years since that day. THREE YEARS. Where has all that time gone? I craved the locket around my neck but the earrings burned in my ears allegorical of our entire relationship- my sacrifice of his love for what I thought I'd need to become me. He's a monster but I want to be my tormenter, my captor again. I want to live in OUR house that WE designed. But then I read hannah's words, and hear gaby's voice and I remember what I gave it all up for and a tiny sprout of hope that maybe there IS more then this and I havent ruined everything grows within me. This city, this damn toxic city makes me feel so inadequate. I will never be thin enough, blonde enough, rich enough and I want to be, I WANT what i had learned to not want." Hmmm, confuse you any? heh.....So now to the more lighthearted stuff. My boss let me go home at noon today and I spent a pleasent afternoon sunning myself by the pool with SPF 45 for the face of course(no aging here) I love the weather, nature can make me so happy sometimes and now i'm off to play tennis with ethan and catch some brews with my americorps posse tonight. great day I say. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:30 pm	So this is my *New* online journal.... I have joined the world of livejournal. Hmmm very narcissistic, I should like this... (Comment on this)